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Category: autism

My Time to Fly*

The Early Years

When I first became a parent, I couldn’t imagine what my child’s adulthood would look like. Even more so as he became a toddler then pre-schooler then kindergartner who was largely non-verbal. I worried about his support needs and what his future might hold. Thankfully, he blossomed at a small charter school Kindergarten through 4th Grade. And now talks my ear off, mostly about his areas of interests. And I do the same since we are both autistic.

Young Adulthood

High school wasn’t without its hiccups. But in his senior year he became Homecoming King. When I was growing up, it would have been unlikely for an autistic student to achieve such a level of popularity. This milestone was exciting for both of us. He still has his crown. And when he started college, he found his friend group in an amazing anime club. He’s got a great social life.

The Era of Underemployment

Unfortunately, work has been more difficult. He started his first job in January 2020. He loved it! But he was laid off just a few months later due to the COVID pandemic. I told him not to worry about working and to focus on college. However, after college graduation, it took nearly six months of applications and interviews to be hired into a service industry job.

His place of employment isn’t far from home for someone who drives, but my son has a history of petit mal seizures. He has a driver’s permit but no license. I intentionally purchased our home near a major bus line. But it takes at least an hour of public transportation each way, which is difficult during Minnesotan winters. He’s been employed there for a year and a half but just barely. They’ve been cutting more of his shifts since Spring. He’s been looking for a service industry job closer to home but receives no response to most applications. If he does receive a response, it’s a rejection. It has been discouraging. He has work experience under his belt along with food handling certification. I would suspect bias against him due to his autism, but he’s being ghosted or rejected before any interactions have occurred.

An Arbitrary Age

Pre-COVID, I’d hoped my son would find full-time employment, with benefits, after he graduated from college. That has not been the case. Then the inevitable happened. He aged out of my insurance in September. That age is currently 26. If I wanted, I could add a romantic partner to my employer-based health insurance but I’m not allowed to keep my most important family member, my son, on my coverage. Instead I’ve spent the last several months attempting to help him get enrolled in Medical Assistance. But we have encountered barrier after barrier.

Functional and Accessibility Errors

  • I attempted to create his account on MNsure.com but received a vague and unhelpful error message of “Online Service Problems
  • My therapist recommended a health insurance broker who could help us navigate this nonsense so I made an appointment.
    • We encountered the error message because my son does not have a credit score. And that’s how the system validates a person’s identity. Yay, capitalism.
    • Someone at MNSure had to manually create my son’s account.
    • Our helper submitted all the documents that were requested of us. We thought.
      • Weeks later, we found out the request for account creation was denied for not having the proper signature. The broker apologized. She saw that the top of the policy states, “an image of a handwritten signature transmitted electronically, such as by fax, secure email or text message.” But missed that later in the policy it states “the consumer uses a pen to write, ‘I, (consumer’s full name), understand that I am signing MNsure’s Account Request Form to create an online account.’ The consumer then includes a handwritten signature below the statement and writes the date.”
    • We resubmitted with the full statement.
    • Several more weeks later, success! The MNsure account was created.
  • We then logged into the MNSure account to apply for Medical Assistance (this is how it’s set up in Minnesota). Only to encounter another error message:
There is one error in this form: 
The Social Security number you entered is not valid. Please check your number and try again.

On Hold

My son has been uninsured since the end of September. I am anxious to resolve this situation. This morning we spent two hours on hold and a handful of minutes actually speaking with someone. Only to learn this latest error was because I’d entered the dashes in my son’s Social Security Number. Which is the usual format. But the form had been built without a required format or help text or a helpful error message. I’ve been a web developer for decades and an accessibility professional for the last 10+ years. I’m annoyed that I didn’t figure this out on my own but it is a clear accessibility failure. Particularly WCAG 3.3.1 Error Identification and WCAG 3.3.2 Labels or Instructions. The site needs to:

  • Provide necessary instructions that are as specific as possible with the errors so that users can take necessary action.
  • Provide instructions with the form fields that require specific data or a specific format.

If I am experiencing this much difficulty navigating the application process, I can only imagine how much more challenging it may be for individuals with greater support needs, those who speak English as a second language, caregivers, individuals working multiple jobs, or those with any combination of these circumstances. It’s 2025! It’s not that difficult to build or rebuild / remediate these components to be more usable.

Are We There Yet?

We have gotten much closer to our goal. I am thankful he has no pre-existing medical conditions or prescriptions, other than an epi-pen for a bee sting allergy. But I won’t fully relax until we receive confirmation my kid is enrolled in Medical Assistance with all of his selections chosen. I hope we won’t encounter any additional barriers on that journey. Wish us luck!

* The title of this post comes from a piece of hold music by Harriet Goldberg that we heard over and over again this morning. I shazamed it and it turns out there is an interesting story behind the song.

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Inaugural AuDHD Day, September 9th

What is AuDHD?

From AuDHD.com

AuDHD Day Combined ADHD & Autism Awareness

My personal path

I have a formal diagnosis of Autism Level 1 with Severe ADHD. I received my diagnosis at the age of 50. That makes me one of the many folks now identifying with AuDHD, thanks to increased awareness, improved diagnostic methods, and broadened definition of the conditions.

Twice exceptional (exceptional ability + disability)

Early on, I was identified as having unique needs. But I was identified as a gifted child rather than an autistic one, or one with ADHD. I received no supports — other than being taken on cool field trips once in a while. Some classmates, almost always boys, were frequently reprimanded for their short attention spans and frequent outbursts. In grade school, one kid flipped over his desk over more than once. That behavior alarmed me and I associated it with my limited understanding of ADHD at the time.

I internalized my emotions and neurodivergent traits and became highly anxious. Teachers scolded me for daydreaming, but I usually had the correct response when called upon. I could come up with answers intuitively, without showing my work. And would have to reverse engineer to illustrate how one would reach a certain solution, even when the solutions themselves came to me effortlessly. Later the dreaded phrase “high potential, underachiever” would appear on my report cards. Without taking into account any other support needs I might have, or what was going on at home.

Why has there been an increase in diagnosis of adults?

People go undiagnosed for all manner of reasons. The stereotype of autism as a male condition (the diagnosis was 4x more common in males than females) is one factor. Teachers might notice the boy who constantly walks the playground perimeter while the rest play football, but overlook the girl who copies everything about a school friend in an effort to fit in. Such masking occurs in all genders and is damaging in itself.

The Guardian


Before 2013, when the DSM-5 was released, ADHD and autism were officially mutually exclusive. If you had one, you could not be diagnosed with the other. Since then there have been:

The Zebra Analogy

I’ve had people question my decision to pursue a diagnosis. Asking “why bother? You’ve made it this far in life.”

“Why do you need a label?” Because there is comfort in knowing that you are a normal zebra, not a strange horse. Because you can’t find a community of other zebras, can’t learn what makes a zebra thrive, what brings [you] a zebra joy, if you don’t know you are a zebra and you are learning solely from horses. It is near impossible to be happy and mentally healthy if you’re spending all your life thinking you’re a failed horse, having others tell you you are a failed horse, when all along you could be thriving and understood if everyone, including you, just knew you were a zebra.

ADHD UK’s Zebra Analogy

Diagnosis (formal or self-diagnosis) is a framework for self-compassion, advocacy, and empowerment. Don’t let others delegitimize your concerns.

Life with AuDHD

I lived too much of my life without understanding what made me different. Raising my now-adult son, who is autistic, helped me find my way. But it’s only been the last 10+ years that I really started getting to the bottom of it. Before that, I was a solo parent with three jobs and very little bandwidth for much else. I was frequently overwhelmed and exhausted. Pursuing a formal diagnosis is a privilege I do not take lightly. But there are so many resources available now; self-diagnosis is valid. If you’re spending a lot of time reading about autism or ADHD, or joining us over at Neurodivergent TikTok or instagram, etc. wondering if you are one of us, you most likely are. I doubt neurotypical people spend much time wondering if they are neurodivergent or not. But what do I know, I am neurodivergent!

I appreciate the studiesshowthings instagram account. It’s a married couple with one neurotypical partner and one AuDHD partner. Their reel today was particularly relevant to me:

People who are autistic and ADHD (50% of people with ADHD are also autistic) – the AuDHD brain wakes up in a fist fight every day because the ADHD brain craves novelty. And the autistic brain craves consistency. The autistic neurotype wants things to be predictable and certain. The ADHD neurotype wants things to be novel and interesting at all times. You can see how this can create a problem. A thousand things a day trigger the fight or flight response. It’s easy for the AuDHD neurotype to feel overwhelmed.

studiesshowthings

Avoiding Overhwelm

The beginning of the pandemic was life-changing for me. I mourned those whose lives were lost or negatively impacted, but I found lockdown to be a reprieve. I have been a full-time tech worker since I was 18 years old and didn’t realize how burned out I was. And everything changed. Working from home full-time has been miraculous for my neurotype. I learned three critical things:

  • Understanding my neurotype / self-knowledge
    • Identifying needs and triggers
    • Knowing my strengths and challenges
  • Clear communication
    • Using direct, clear language
    • Preparing for important conversations in advance
    • Saying no
  • Energy management
    • Take breaks
    • Have self-compassion
    • Foster a support network
      • A trusted therapist
      • Friends and family who are also neurodivergent
      • Neurodivergent slack and social media communities

These things have helped me advocate for myself and set healthy boundaries to prevent overwhelm.

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Disability Pride Month 2025

Despite the grim state of things in the US, it is still Disability Pride Month. And I have multiple non-apparent disabilities: Endometriosis, migraines, occipital neuralgia, misophonia, autism + ADHD (sometimes shortened to AuDHD). One aspect that is less commonly discussed is proprioception.

Proprioception

My understanding of proprioception began when my son was diagnosed with autism. It is one of many factors that motivated me to pursue an autism assessment for myself. Proprioception, often referred to as the body’s “sixth sense,” is awareness of one’s body position and movement in space. It encompasses sensations such as muscle contraction and stretching, as well as deep pressure or squeezing.

My son tends to be under-responsive to proprioceptive stimuli, while I experience hypersensitivity:
“Individuals who are oversensitive to proprioception may have difficulty comprehending where their body is relative to other objects.”

After I went to the gym last night, I fumbled my giant container of protein shake powder and spilled it all over the floor. This morning I knocked my coffee mug over. I often find my phone and other objects slipping from my hands. This clumsiness can be a nuisance. But I’ve also dropped vital prescription medication while trying to take it and even fumbled entire bottles of prescription meds.

Other aspects of hypersensitivity can be more difficult

  1. Increased pain perception. While some autistic people may exhibit a higher tolerance for certain types of pain, many experience heightened pain sensitivity and may feel pain more intensely than others. This can manifest as a lower pain threshold or a prolonged experience of pain, even from stimuli that might others might find tolerable.
  2. Heightened tactile sensitivity. Autistic people may experience heightened sensitivity to touch, pressure, and movement. This can lead to increased awareness of physical contact and, in some cases, discomfort or pain from specific textures of clothing or being jostled in crowds. Crowds are particularly tough for me due to my height (barely five feet tall).
  3. Increased sensitivity to certain sounds. Sounds might seem louder to an autistic person, which might make them react to sounds more strongly. This is where my misophonia comes into play, personally.

Working with my neurologist, a physical therapist, and a personal trainer have helped manage these sensitivities to some extent but not everyone has access to these resources. Family members, friends, coworkers, and classmates have teased me about my clumsiness. I encourage others to consider the impact before commenting on someone else’s clumsiness or sensitivities.

A black and white mug sitting on a table with a black and white fabric tablecloth. A large amount of the coffee in the mug has been spilled onto the tablecloth.
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X marks the spot

In 2018, Minnesota became the sixth state in the US to permit nonbinary designations on state ID. Early in 2020, I realized my drivers license would be up for renewal and looked forward to changing my gender marker. Then COVID hit.

In June 2020, I had the option to renew my DL online, as it was. Or go in person to make any changes. At the time, we were still a year away from a COVID vaccine so I chose the physically safer option. But today, the wait was over. I was able to quickly change my gender designation to nonbinary. And update my photograph (my hair color and eyeglasses have changed 5 or 6 times in the last 8 years).

Since my last drivers license renewal, I’ve also been formally diagnosed with Autism and ADHD.

Studies suggest that individuals with gender and sexual identities outside the cis-hetero binary were also three to six times more likely to have a diagnosis of autism.

The Swaddle: The Link Between Neurodivergence and Queerness, Explained

This all serves to help me understand myself and feel more confident in myself. Happy Pride, all!

Person holding a nonbinary flag over the head with stripes in yellow, white, purple, and black
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Autism Awareness Month

This is my first April celebrating Autism Awareness / Acceptance month since I was formally diagnosed with autism myself. I believe self-diagnosis is perfectly valid, but I wanted to learn more. Not just for myself, but for my community. Last year I worked with an incredible neurodiversity affirming clinician. She was excited to dive in and learn about my wiring. She helped me understand more about how my neurocomplexity impacts my personal and professional life. In my professional life, in the accessibility space, I continue to encourage others to learn more about neurodivergence. And provide guidance about how to support neurodiversity in the workplace.

Two main tips:

  • Communicate as clearly as possible. Ellie Middleton posted a wonderful video on how to give neurodivergent friendly instructions. It’s short and simple! Please watch it.
  • Be accepting of autistic (or other) behaviors that might deviate from the norm. Personally, I used to expend SO much energy attempting to mask to fit in while in shared office spaces. Working remotely has allowed me to channel that energy to focus on the work itself. But not everyone is so lucky. To learn more about masking, check out autistic reporter Eric Garcia’s great interview with autistic social psychologist Devon Price, PhD. The timing worked out perfectly. I ordered a copy of Devon’s book, Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity, and it arrived just now, on World Autism Day.

I’ve been working in tech for 30+ years at this point. But many autistic people experience high rates of unemployment and underemployment compared to adults with other disabilities and adults in the general population. This needs to change. Sustainable progress will require a real, measurable commitment to neuroinclusion. Which includes working with autistic and other neurodivergent people to foster lasting change.

A book resting on a yellow chair. The cover reads Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity, Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD, author of Laziness Does Not Exist
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